IM BACK!

hi loves!!

I have been MIA for quite a while now! soo much has happened that I want to talk about but I will skip most of it and tell you why i am back and why i need my blog support again!

okay, well i am now at the University of Cincinnati which is about 45 minutes from home and my doctors and I am doing great! i love love love school and all my new friends.  my roommates and i aren’t getting along though so i am relocating to my own apartment after thanksgiving break.  but thats another story! haha well weight wise i am doing great and actually exactly where my doctor wants me! but the way ive gained the weight i am not too happy with….

i have become a binge eater i feel.  i will eat about 900-1000 calories in one sitting then not eat the rest of the day.  the rest of my calories usually come from alcohol or drunk eating.  i reallyyy dont like this lifestyle.  i feel so out of control and i feel like the weight gain will just continue until i can change something.  i am really not happy with my body even though everyone tells me i look great and im getting attention from lotsss of guys and my friends are always so complimentary.  i talked to my doctor the other day and she suggested writing down how i feel when i binge and what happens before and after.  hence why i am blogging again!!

a current picture of me! im on the right :)

well other than my issues i have still been reading all yours blogs and i have missed you so much! im excitied to get back into the blog world and reconnect with youall! :)

xoxxxoo,

Amy

i need you.

hi girls! :) oh how i’ve missed my blog. don’t get me wrong, i have been creeping on all yours while i was away even if i didn’t comment on every single one.

so my little absense was because i wanted to get out and experience life. i feel liek SO much has happened that i need to talk about. and i need to be honest with you bloggies. i know that this might get a little personal and i dont know all of you which is fine but it’s my blog and i’m suppose to talk about what’s on my mind right? okay, well first off i went to FLORIDA! it was amazing. i had absolutely no anxiaty and no worries. my friend and i literally just laid out and ate and slept. it kinda got to ED b/c the lack of exercise but go figure, when i came home and went to the dr i hadnt gained/loss and ounce! i was the EXACT same. so take the ED. i do need food even if im not MOVING EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY. so that was a nice experiment i guess. and vacation gave me the oppertunity to eat out a bit (subway/quiznos) and look, im still here!! no worries haha so that is def a challenge i overcame.

okay, moving on from my amazing vaca.. i have met a boy. i dont know if i have told you’all about him but we used to hang out in high school and he was really sweet and always liked me a lot. in high school we never did anything more than kiss. it was always really sweet when we hung out. so we started hanging out again, he goes to a college about 40 minutes away from my house and the same college im going to next year. it’s not a bad drive at all so i had been going down to see him. this has taken my mind off eating a lottt and it’s just been nice to feel “normal
sortof like hanging out with a guy and being on campus. but he doesn’t know anything about my eating disorder .. i feel like i should tell him? but i dont want to scare him off.. i know if he really likes me he shouldnt care. but im still really nervous? like it’s too soon to tell him that? and because of my ED i feel like im a person who needs lots of “love” i guess you could say? and hes not that type of person at all. he’s very reserved and if he calls me pretty thats a HUGE deal. like he never compliments me really.. i know it’s just boys but maybe i should just move on before i get hurt? when he doesnt answer texts or isnt really attentive ED gets the best of me so EASILY. ED tells me it’s because ive gained so much weight, or i ate X, or because i weight XXX. so thats where it’s getting personal!

but i feel better already just typing this all out in my blog. so therefore, my blogging will begin again :) i’ve missed it so much and i’ve felt so lost/alone without you guys. I LOVE YOU ! sometimes you need to be without something to realize how much you need something right?!

okay on to the good stuff — IVE HAD AWESOME EATS! i mentioned the quiznos/subway/STARBUCKS. im obssessed. CINNAMON SKINNY LATTE <33 YUM! okay, i had OIAJ w/ my DCD container, it was amazing. im sorry i have no foodie pics today because like i said i wasn’t expecting to be posting so expect some tmr :) love you’all

amy<3

life.

sorry i havent posted in soo long lovies! ive been out living my lifeee:) so ill just recap the HIGHLIGHTS of life in the past like 5 days….

well the weekend consisted of a lot of work b/c i picked up some shifts since my hours have been cut all this week! so annoying.. but anyways. saturday night this guy i used to hang out with in high school texted me saying he was in town and he wanted to get together. at first i was like noo but then as i thought about it i was like why not?! ill come home from work and just be bored.. so i decided to hang out! he came over and it was actually really fun! in high school he always liked me so much lol and for some reason that like turned me off? but now that im older i kinda think it’s cute how much he cares about me! he texted me like 2 minutes after he left to say he had fun and goodnight. =]

PITA PIZZA! i had this for dinner last night with a salad w/ tons of toppings. it was delishhh.:)

this morning i woke up an swamm. felt so good!! and my daddy came home from ireland today which was really nice, id missed his face. im really excitied for today though, im going to see my friend S and the boyyy:). they go to school only an hour away so im driving down tonight! YAYY im so excitiedd. maybe this boy is comming back into my life? i cant complain tho. lol we’ve talked every night since we hung out:).

this was delishh snacky at work.

im still struggling with the fact that i still need to gain. im at a BMI of 16.3 …. ive been here for about a month. and im not on a weight gain diet but i dont feel like i need more? i guess im just putting of gaining more until my dr/therapist/mom literally MAKE me. i just wish my period would come already!!! sorry for rambling…

:)look what my mom got me. she loves me!! hahah

what are you ladies looking forward to the month of MARCH!? crazy how time fliesss…

xoxo

amy

interesting.

no real post tonight since im in a time crunch but i stumbled upon this article …. i found it VERY INTERESTING. please read and let me know what you think!!!

http://radio-weblogs.com/0107127/stories/2002/07/23/itsTheCarbsThatMakeYouFat.html

amy<3

getting nutty

hey heyyy. how everyones thursday going? i always love thursday for some reason. maybe even more than friday/saturday. idk why haha. i woke up reallyyy light headed this morning so i skipped out on swimming which was probably a good idea. after breakfast i felt a little better. i think it’s my prozac maybe? i guess fatigue/weakness can be a sideeffect..anywho yesterday i just chilled out went to the store and work. i got some new bars! the kashi go lean crunch bar chocolate/caramel flavor. it was delishh. kinda chewy but i likeed it! i ate it on break at work.

have you tried these?!

i also got new smuckers natural pb at the store! it looked sooo good and i had it with an apple last night before bed. nom nom nom. and i did my sudoku:) i dk if ive mentioned this on my blog yet or not, but im absolutely obsessed with sudoku! haha my mom gets the paper every morning for me so i can work on it. i guess thats what i do to keep my mind fresh since im not in school tight now. lol

yummm!!!

work wasn’t too busy at all so i got to do some thinking. there was a young girl, probably about my age, that came into the store who was clearly pregnant. and she was looking at the baby items so that was another give away. she looked so upset to be all alone and a little scared. i talked to her and see if i could help her and she said no she couldnt afford any of the baby clothes we had to offer. i started to feel really sorry for her.. which then got to me. before i was in recovery i would have looked at the situation and punished myself (not eating) bc i have everything in the world i need, great parents, family, money, ect..but i let myself have an eating disorder. i know it’s really twisted but thats how i saw it. but yesterday was the first time i realized that i am gonig through something really hard, just as hard as that girl maybe. i fight/struggle everyday and its OK to feel sorry for myself…

okay sorry for the rambling but i thought i should share! im about to go to the mall with my little brother, then watch idol and girls figure skating tonight! i think im having breakfast for dinner too which is always something to look forward too:) have a great thursday loves!

xoxo

amy<3

rainy dayss

HEY BLOGGGGGIES! once again, you all are amazing and im so thankful for all your comments on OIAJ! it’s funny how something as simple as plain oats, mixed in an (almost) empty nut jar can bring so many people together<33

so yesterday i woke up to my nurse care manager calling me about an appointment with my doctor! i had one scheduled for a week ago but it got cancled because of the snow so she said she could fit me in today. i was freaking out at first since it was at 230(not my usual time) and they would be weighing me later in the day. i was like itll looked like i gained 10 lbs because lunch is right before that blah blah blah. but then amy chimed in and decided it doesnt matter. im going to eat lunch either way and so what if its not a true weight? they know it’s later in the day and it wont change a thing.

so before my appointment i got in the highlight of my day– an awesome swim! once again old ladies in the pool. lol i just love them they’re so cute and so funny. seriously makes me day. when i came home i was like in desperate need of some protein so i had this awesome lil snack plate.

egg and protein south beach bar! (not so sure i like the ingredients in that bar :/ good thing i didnt look til after i ate it!)

the rest of the night just went as a usual monday filled with a taco dinner  and a chat with mom, then kell on earth! YAYY … another typical breakfast this morning followed by a more chilled at swim and my favorite bar ever!!!! and lots of bloggingggg,,yayyy

thinkHEALTHY bar! haha love thisss

i hope everyone has a great tuesday. tonight dont forget to catch some idol and girls figure skating !!!

xoxoxox

please keep shelley (findinghappinessandhealth.wordpress.com) in your prayers!

amy<3

OIAJ!

hey loves!!! thanks for your comments yesterday about my peppas — you will def be seeing them again soon:).

so moving on to the HIGHLIGHT of my day, OIAJ for breakfast!!! okay, so the first time i made them i was kinda like ehhh because i messed them up and they were that good. so this time when my barney butter jar was like almonst empty (but not toooo empty ;)) i knew it was time to make a perf bowl of OIAJ. and let me tell you…..i was in heavennn for about 15 minutes that it took me to shove them down my pie hole before work lol. it was 1/2 c oats, maple syrup, cinnamon and all the ALMOND BUTTER that was left…nom nom

BEFORE

AFTER :0)

i drove to work and consumed my protein shake which was also, delisioso! work was pretty chill, im eyeing some Rock and Republic jeans that are going on sale next week and i can get for 60 dollas! shopping addiction…possibly…. hahah ill def take a pic when i get them ;). i enjoyed a lovely packed lunch on my break. a turkey wrap with apple and almond butter on the side and also another delish bora bora bar. it was really fresh tasting!!

YAYY! it was half gone already... lol

okay so tonight just is some kardashians i think. and a dinner featureing a newly purchased avacado! continueing my new experimenting. lol i would just like to say that you’all give me such awesome eat ideas and it’s making my fear foods, less fearful!

– question: ive seen everyones meals/snacks on their blogs and they all look awesome, but sometimes it looks like so much food! my question is do you eat all of it that you take the picture of?? just wondering lovies:)

EDIT: not trying to be offensive at all by asking that question!! you all are amazing and are awesome for nurishing your bodies with what they desire!!!

LOVE YOU ALL, xoxox

amy<3